new rider of the purple sage

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Mighty Big Show

If you could pick the stupidest place that one could travel to right about now, think about it, where would you pick? Seriously. I've given this matter considerable thought, well, half a minute's worth anyway and here is what I came up with.
Worst place I could possibly be would be waking up in bed next to Liberty Lobby matriarch Phyllis Schafly. Would bite my own testicles off and then find some tall structure to jump off of, post haste. Thankfully the likelihood of that happening is almost nil. 
Next worst I would think might be on a Rohingya refugee boat, somewhere off of Burma, encircled by angry buddhists and tiger sharks. The wrong end of a kayak with a pissed off Latvian broad bride? Rabbi at a klan meeting, there are all sorts of rotten possibilities. 
Speaking strictly domestically, the correct answer would have to be Texas. And guess what?

Thass' right. This ol' hoss is headed right into the belly of the beast next week, Ft. Worth Texas. Amon Carter Museum. Soggy ass Texas, doing a show dag nab square in the middle of the most biblical flood to reach these parts since the good lord was a corporal. Weather permitting hope to make Dallas in two days, that is if it hasn't floated away.

Brian Lebel's Old West Shindig.

My track record in Texas hasn't been too good lately. Any long time blast reader can fill you in. Couple hours in a cell last time and a few Ben Franklins short in the wallet because some bored german shepherd thought he smelled alfalfa in the rig.

Floods. Torrential rain. Texans.

Unless the federal gubmint' makes good on their threats to send all the good folks in the Lone Star State to concentration camps after being relieved of their second amendment rights and heavy artillery, sometime next week your faithless scribe should be jumping over mud puddles and trying to stay off the current casualty list which I believe now stands at 29.

And I ain't a lyin' when I tell you that this week has me scared shitless but the deposit check has cleared and I got to stay on this old bull for at least eight seconds.

Couple rivers are cresting, couple reservoirs bursting at the seams. People and cattle are cut off from their kin. Perfect time to go buy an antique, people.

Y'all get down here, ya hear?


Anonymous said...

Buenos suerte Pilgrim.

Sanoguy said...

I still think that we should trade Texas to Mexico in exchange for Baja. Just think of all,the good beaches we would get!

Anonymous said...

Next time the Feds pull you over, confess that you are an illegal immigrant from Israel and request deportation. It is probably faster to fly back from Tel Aviv than it is to get released from the federal holding cell.

Anonymous said...

That Texas incident was one of my favorite blogs! Hope you have more adventures. Beth C