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crystalline mao with butterflies - robert sommers 2007

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Blue Heron Blast, Jewish Edition

I drove up to Orange County to deliver a painting to Cam yesterday. No money, thing was long ago sold but that's another long story we don't need to get into right now. By the way, I pretty much hate Orange County, always have.

Black Mercedes driving, no sock wearing, loafer loving voidoids that live in giant stucco monoliths on postage stamp lots and go to oversized churches. Wealthy, living perfect, hermetically sealed lives. It's not who you are, it's what you have. But I digress.

We met at Rainbow Sandals in San Clemente. Cam was a little late and I looked around the place. Ain't no way I am paying a hundred bucks for a pair of sandals. My old ones are only twenty years old and still perfectly functional. I had a lot of time to people watch, my friend being much more tardy than he had indicated he would be.

My first realization was that the majority of the women were not only sporting the same sandals, they had the same nose piercing, the same perfect teeth, same mostly inconspicuous ankle tattoo, same overweight and entitled children and the same matching plastic surgeons. They never do get the damn neck right on the face lift, boobs generally weren't too bad.

Anyway as if you hadn't guessed, I am working my way up to a minor rant. As I was leaving the nondescript concrete mall, which come to think of it looked like every other vague and nondescript concrete mall in the area, I drove up behind this Mercedes.


What's that on the left side of the hatch, does it say Christian edition? It doesn't... A little hard to read but I assure you it does. Now what the heck does that mean? They wouldn't...

Probably a dealer named Christian. The manufacturers can't be marketing special appointment packages for the faithful, can they? The mind races... Just for the hell of it I googled the phrase Christian edition. Egads, we have officially supplanted the fish bumper sticker, the coolest of the cool in Knott's Berry Farmland now proclaim their theological fealty with this more yuppified CE font, some olde version of IM Pell double pica no doubt.

The Christian Edition Chrome Car Emblem by AutoVisionz

The website says: Our chrome Christian Edition Personality Emblem is the shiny way to show the world you've got Jesus. Place the emblem on your car, truck, RV, motorcycle, bible cover, notebook, or anywhere you want.

I don't know about you but I don't drive around with a star of david on my car, I don't know many buddhists who are rocking the great wheel of compassion sticker or zoroastrians with their fire or cow sticker or even a fiery cow sticker. Most people find it crass to try to make dough off your spirituality or place of worship. You don't have to show the world you've got Jesus. Show the world that you are a nice person. Don't need to rub your piety in anyone else's face. Low class in any language.

I purposely don't give my business to those establishments that sport grossly oversize fish. Figure they are making a purposeful tribal statement and I may not exactly be welcome.

I may certainly not be the most worldly guy but I get around. I never see the ostentatious show me your religion thing like you see it in Southern California. We get it, we aren't in your club. You don't see it in Oregon, Seattle, New York, Florida anywhere else that I go. Even in Arizona you don't see it like this. But it goes with Orange County like Skippy super chunk goes with a cold glass of milk. Or Mickey goes with Minnie. Take your pick.

I don't blame AutoVisionz either. Could be a bunch of yids for all I know. Ain't easy to make a buck these days. And if religion isn't your bag, they sell this one too.

Think I could get a good deal on both?

4 comments:

Charles Lyon said...

We share a deep seated dislike for Orange County and bumper stickers Blue. Great post.

Jon Harwood said...

Life behind the Orange Curtain can be OK if one is north of the invisible Mason Dixon line that separates North County from South County. North County is full of blue collar whites, asians and hispanics who have some idea what life is. The Southern part of the place is one of the most nauseating locations on earth outside of North Korea.

Max Hall said...

Christian to Sexy Bitches. I guess they don't want to exclude any fulfillment opportunity from their business model.

Anonymous said...

The minute anyone shares their faith on a car you do more harm than good. How many people have been cut off by a fish symbol. You inwardly say well if that's Jesus I want no part. Same true when an old Subaru drives 25 in a 50 wth co_exist stickers on it you go crazy too. Your life is what people read. Happy new year