Weaponized Incompetence

Sometimes for a "with it" guy, I end up being a little late to the party. I read this article the other day and was introduced to the concept of weaponized incompetence.

From Psychology Today:

Weaponized incompetence involves strategically avoiding responsibility—by pretending to be incapable or inept at a task so that someone else helps, takes over, or stops delegating tasks to them. In this way, the imbalance becomes entrenched over time.

I guess it has been written about for decades. Women get the drudge shit work and men throw their hands up and say, "Sorry, I am incapable."

Despite measurable advances in gender equality, the workload is not shifting at home, the Pew Research Center found in a 2023 report.

Dennis Vetrano, a divorce and family attorney in New York, said he's been hearing a familiar complaint from female clients increasingly over the past five years, "and that is the failure of their husband to be a true partner in their relationship."

"In fact," Vetrano added of weaponized incompetence, "that's become one of the core issues or one of the leading reasons for divorce these days."

Hey, I've got all the merit badges on this one, guilty, guilty, guilty.

This is how it goes down at my house:

She: Honey, I am taking off, you are going to have to clean the cat box. Please make sure that you do a thorough job (for once) and go all the way down at the bottom.

Me : Yes, dearest.

Invariably I am called out for my poor cat box technique. And the truth is I never want to get really good at it. A wise man once told me not to get really good at doing something you hate and for me it is the cat box.

I try to do an adequate job and have received no complaints so far from the cats but I am admittedly no Renoir in there.

Or how about this one, don't bother cleaning the pots in the kitchen, I just have to redo them. Or, please don't ever enter the laundry room again. Do not even touch that machine.

Fine. My work is done here.

The truth is I want to be an equal partner and good hubby. I like to think there are other asymmetric aspects of our relationship where my contributions do shine, like my third house insurance installment payment due on Friday. But my wife does an awful lot. Place would not run well without her.

I would like to  think that most of us want to be equitable partners but lets face it there are a lot of pressures, child rearing, domestic chores and breadwinning notwithstanding. I think most of us adapt spheres of influence and responsibilities.

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I was talking to Barry at dinner the other night and he said there were two things you never find in a Jewish man's home, beer and a tool box.

As much as I would like to be, with the exception of sprinkler repair I am strictly call the guy. especially with plumbing.

But I will certainly strive to do better. Time to de-escalate the domestic war.