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Rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies © Robert Sommers 2017

Friday, October 30, 2015

Grandma's nosering

I don't have a band at the moment but I came up with a name for one in case I ever do. Grandma's nose ring. How do you like it?

Not sure what gave me the thought but we were in Hollywood yesterday and I saw many a doyenne whose proboscis was fashionably jeweled and attired.

Last week I witnessed a similar sight, matriarch had to be pushing 75, with the full Ferdinand the bull ring coursing through both nostrils. Whatever floats your schnozz, bubbe.

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Continuing confirmation of my advanced age and decrepitude.


I was picking up some low tack tape at the hardware store yesterday morning and did a quick visual audit of my fellow customers.

All hipsters, all rocking the same oversized ear gauge, all with the same silly hat, low slung jeans and flame tattoos. And I had this scary epiphany; what if everybody on the planet gets hip at the same time, then nobody will be hip and I bet these "rebels" will be mighty sore. Wouldn't it be funny if the last un-inked guy or gal standing turned out to be the real hipster in the end?


I get that they want to show that they are as hip and unique as their offbeat parents and grandparents and do something a little different, even if it is adopting terrorist beards and incising gang graffiti on their necks, but think they could at least aim their sights for something not quite as skanky and dare I say, beautiful?

I got a flat the other day. Called Triple A and the guy who came and got me had some interesting tattoos on his arm. Whole family in large horned rimmed glasses, mom, dad and grandpa.

Older versions of Chip and Ernie on My three sons. I took a picture with his permission but sadly lost the sd card, first one that has ever physically broke on me, so the cool inkjob will have to be a mental memory.

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I still haven't seen the Carolina drag the girl across the floor video, you know the girl that refused to get off the phone and was forcibly removed from class.

I am sure that the cop was way out of line. They asked the girl why she didn't leave the class prior to her forced removal as asked and she said that she didn't really think that the punishment was warranted.

When I was in school we really didn't negotiate these sorts of things, a person in authority demanded that you did something and you usually did it. But we have this new class of entitled brats and I am absolutely sure that the girl in Carolina is headed for major bank. Good for her. Stick it to the man and all that. I see a book deal and a movie.

What are educators supposed to do when the insubordinate students decide that they are the ones now running the show?

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A friend of mine, who is now raising his great grandchildren because his own children and their children in turn are so worthless, told me a story about his young ward getting suspended for, well, acting like a young boy. I was a young troublemaker, still am, got in trouble lots of times, suspended a few times too. Believe me when I tell you that I know the type.

My friend asked them if his ggc had been disciplined and they said they couldn't do that anymore. He said that the boy respected authority and that they had his permission to let him know who was boss. That was the way I was raised as well.

But no, they aren't allowed to discipline any more, corporal punishment now being verboten, so the poor kid is now banished and ostracized because teachers are so afraid of being sued that they refuse to discipline.

I am no parent but always thought it was weird to hear kids call parents by their first names and act like they are just another friend. I don't think it is good for children but what do I know? Most kids could use an occasional smack on the rump.

Now we just pump them full of ritalin, clonapin or some other tranquilizer at the first sign of what might be attention deficit disorder. We used to just call them children, kids act up, now they are all obviously damaged. After we figure out if their true psyches are male or female of course, have to give them that option as well.

A friend has a fishing boat and the neighbor kids want to go fishing. His brother, perhaps wisely, said, no way, some kid can say you molested them and its all over. He told me about a male teacher he knows who refuses to be alone in a classroom with a female student because of these types of allegations. In fact a guy I know had a daughter recently call the cops on him and allege some pretty terrible things because he grounded her, finally recanting in front of the cops. Freaking scary. Insolent little bastards.

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If I sound like a pissy old man it is because I am. Every day I feel more and more separated from the aberrant spins of this terran globe of ours. I could give a damn about Caitlyn, Kanye and the Kardashians, think the new love of big butts is very strange, can't stand rap, hate when the cashiers utter the words, "no problem", like maybe there is a problem or even worse, "of course." Please, thank you and your welcome worked just fine but they have been now relegated to the scrapheap of time.

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I bought a burrito at the show in Santa Barbara. With drink it was $10.73. I handed the girl a twenty. "What do you want me to do with this?" Uh, make me change, something close to $9.27 give or take a few cents. She didn't have a calculator and had to get her younger sister to help her with the advanced computation. Because we are breeding stupid and doing a remarkable good job of it.

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If I may switch to politics, Marco Rubio seems like one of those punk, spoiled, entitled bratty kids. He missed all the senate votes because it wasn't fun anymore, Obama would just veto them anyway and besides his eye was set on bigger game.

Accomplished exactly nothing in six years. What happened to do your job, whatever job, well, before you start thinking about your next conquest? Petulant brat.

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Interesting news about Kasich, not sure if it is true. Was he really kicked off the Reagan team in the 70's for selling weed? Guy just rose a few more notches in my book.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Might rethink the band name... I suggest P.O.M. Pissy Old Men
Ken

Sanoguy said...

Kasich's slogan could be, "Pot in every pot"!