The Somali militants unanimously selected Omar on Saturday at a meeting in an undisclosed location in Somalia, said rebel commander Abu Mohammed. Omar is believed to be an assumed name, and the new leader's real name is not known.
"It was time to call the kid up from the minors. He's really done everything we've asked from him. Five tool terrorist."
"I'd like to of course thank Allah and all the little people without whom I could never hope to maraud and pillage. And of course my agent."
Omar may want to stay away from his phone and stop looking out the window. Just saying.