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Antelope Canyon abstraction

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Black Flower

Continuing the oriental dining theme, after our long day at the show, Cam and I decided to go back to the Hong Kong Flower Lounge and eat some weird stuff for dinner. We have been eating there for years, none of our friends will join us there because the food is so funky and the place is frankly sort of a shithole, but there was still some food there that we wanted to try.

We walked into the joint, located at Millbrae and El Camino Real, and the first thing that I noticed is that the fish tanks didn't smell as badly as usual and that most of the fish lacked the tumors and weird contorted looks on their little fish faces that I had seen on past occasions.

We were the only round eyes in the joint, except for the black couple that they had already seated in the crappy table on the side they normally put us.

We looked at the menu, the obvious honkey version, and didn't see some of the strange fare that I remembered from before.We considered the clay pot braised frog with Chinese sausage but suddenly got skittish when my dinner companion asked me to consider what goes into an American sausage and then think about what might go into its asian cousin? We passed.

Considered ordering the Foo kin rice because it would be so cool to order the fucking rice but did not. Didn't see the duck tongue or the goose web. We ended up getting some more standard stuff. A barbecue platter of roast duck, pork and jellyfish. Won ton soup. Combo noodle platter.

This was one of the worst meals in history. Place was filthy, glasses and silverware crusty. They were wheeling tables around the floor like tractor tires at the repair shop. Cam wondered what the kitchen looked like. I shuddered at the thought.

There was a compulsory dish of peanuts and a limp try at pickled vegetables that had seen better days. Cam took a too large bite of the jellyfish and almost hurled. The won ton broth tasted like dirty bathwater. We left most of the noodle dish on the table after picking a couple semi edible things off the top as it was totally inedible.

Service was atrocious. Once the food was presented we never saw our server again. Would have been nice to have my water glass refilled to wash down the slop.  Hong Kong Flower Lounge is the asian equivalent of Carrows or the Waffle House, without the attendant southern charm. We finally hailed and caught the eye of the cashier who was ensconced in her little covey behind a tall pile of bills.

I can not see ever returning. After the superlative meal at Koi Palace, this was truly the agony and the ecstasy. The Kaplan brothers told me that it was the worst Chinese meal they had ever had and I believe that I had defended the place. Dan Flynn got sick when I took him there. Hospitalized sick. I wrote it off to his tender constitution. Charmed and intrigued by the verité and authenticity of the culinary experience I had trudged forward and was now paying the price. Cam said that he would rather eat the ass out of a goat than return to the place.

I woke up at two in the morning with the sudden urge to puke jellyfish. My stomach still aches. Would rather eat prison food than go back to the Hong Kong Flower Lounge.

Hong Kong Flower Lounge Restaurant 香港香滿樓海鮮酒家
51 Millbrae Ave., Millbrae, CA 94030 Tel (650)692-6666 - Fax (650) 692-0522

4 comments:

Jon Harwood said...

The food the staff got at the Orange County Jail was pretty good, that is if the inmates were happy and not adding "special treats" th he recipes.

Anonymous said...

How many people would eat at a disgusting place they already knew was atrocious?
You are the Lindsay Lohan of food.

grumpy said...

every time you eat out is a roll of the dice. number one it's expensive; two, i don't always trust the opinions of others. i'm thinking of two beloved eateries here in Fallbrook whose fare is decidedly mediocre, IMHO.

Sanoguy said...

Anyone who eats jellyfish deserves the consequences!