Black crowned night heron © Robert Sommers 2023

Sunday, November 29, 2009

A woman scorned...

It is nice to know that for all of Tiger Woods' money, he can still get his sorry ass kicked by his trophy wife. She seemed to have had little trouble shoving that three wood up his butt, even without expensive swing lessons from Butch Harmon.

I am sure that Team Tiger, which has no comment and has made itself unavailable to the local police, is doing some serious huddling and damage control at the moment. Probably scads of lawyers, agents, accountants and marriage counselors scurrying around, trying to shore up the chinks in the teflon armor.

I thought that the super rich got a pass on this sort of thing. I think that I read once that Bill Gates had language written into his marriage contract which gave him the liberty to philander. Discretely, of course. Warren Buffet had an open arrangement with his mistress for decades. It would be great to be a fly on the wall during those prenuptial negotiations. "You want what?" "Oh, it's just boilerplate dear..."

Guess the viking princess had a little old school buttwhippin' on her mind. Interesting how the story changed. You know, from trying to get him out of the car with the golf club to chasing his sorry ass down with the driver. And the cops just couldn't square the lacerations and scratches on Tiger's face with hitting a tree and a fire hydrant.

He may have wanted to check her for the MAOA enzyme, monoamine oxidase A, prior to exchanging vows. This "warrior gene" predicts aggressive behavior after provocation. I wish it had been available before my two marriages, would have saved on scrapes and bandages. Great article by Gautam Nail in this weeks WSJ on the gene and one of its principal researchers.

Just about anyone who has ever been coupled in a monogamous relationship has had an argument with their spouse. I don't really trust people that say that they have never had an argument. We knew one couple that said that, name will not be disclosed, and she turned out to be repressing something really bad that happened in her childhood.  When the cork finally popped, it was really nasty and blew the whole thing up.

I try to limit the arguments with my lovely wife. Our twenty years together has surely taught me that I can't win. We had an interesting go round leaving thanksgiving dinner. Her brother warned me that I would be "dodging shrapnel" as he eloquently put it, on the way home. I had no idea how prescient he really was.  I was a dick and started it with a nasty retort which I apologize for. I will not regale you with a round by round description, blast readers would enjoy it too much, but let us just say that my self bandaging and cauterizing duties are still continuing.  No one represses anything in our household. Dollars to doughnuts, we both have the MAOA gene, and should be getting residuals as poster children.

Lord knows I am no picnic and Leslie has stuck it out twice as long as Diann and here's to keeping it together for ever. ("oh, joy! - Leslie") I know that relationships across this whole great land of ours (not having a ready perception of the global economic scene) have to be suffering since money is so tight for everybody.  If Tiger Woods is getting his ass kicked, men, it could be any of our asses on the line.

So we need to suck it up, tough it out, and for god sakes shut up. Don't tempt the dragon. This thing will blow over and we'll all be back in the clover. Keep on keeping on and don't fight.


Anonymous said...

You've been outside hangin' at the stage door
Wavin' at the limousines (Goodbye, Goodbye)
It's the same Cadillac they use in a graveyard scene
Some other mornin' you go back to school
And if nothin' has changed
Well there's no use playin' if you're winning at a losin' game

There's trouble in Paradise
You're payin' for everything twice
Too much at half the price
A little too soon

Well, there's trouble in Paradise
You never turn out those lights
And you just can't close your eyes
In a solid gold room

John David Souther

Anonymous said...

Nice Robert.......love the picture also.


Blue Heron said...

Great J.D. Souther anonymous, I don't know it but I want to hear it. Thanks.

grumpy said...

although i rarely play golf now (too expensive, tennis is my sport) i grew up playing it, with my Dad mostly, back in the day when clubs weren't inflated like they are now, so you had to strike the ball cleanly; my favorite player was Arnold Palmer; loved his legion of fans (Arnie's Army) and the way he would charge on the late holes of the last round; Gary Player too (he wore all black, it made him feel strong), also Lee Trevino and Chi Chi Rodriquez; never was much of a Nicklaus fan, despite his record and his titles; he was just too dour, too mechanical; as a player, i liked Tiger in the beginning, then he changed his swing, lost his mojo, he was muscling the ball; but the wins and the titles piled up, and now he's an icon; despite this, i always perceived him as a class act and a straight shooter, who didn't duck questions and didn't make excuses; a couple years ago a golf reporter came under a lot of flack for an inadvertent, off the cuff remark she made about Tiger, which many perceived as racist; instead of throwing her under the bus, Tiger came to her defense, and she kept her job; he didn't have to do that, but he did; it's a sad commentary on our times that some people take delight in the private misfortunes of public figures; i say, it's none of our goddam business; leave well enough alone.

Blue Heron said...

Grumpy, Grumpy, Grumpy - to paraphrase Ronald Reagan - there you go again. I write about a rich guy trying to score a little extra action and I get an essay on the history of the links.

This is not about Julius Boros holing out from the bunker in '68, its about what happens when you get super rich and decide to forsake societal conventions and morality. Because they don't apply to the people in your club. Power, baby.

grumpy said...

sorry, when i made the "sad commentary" remark, i wasn't referring to your post, rather to the media reaction, in general, to all of this; there i go again.

Anonymous said...

Hey Grump, real Christians don't use the G.D word.

grumpy said...

never claimed to be a real Christian; we've all fallen short of the grace of God; the media continues to pile on Tiger; such a feeding frenzy, such an irrelevant distraction; maybe we are living in the End Times, after all...