Saturday, September 19, 2015
Trick or turd
God knows why I haven't, I certainly take as much pride in my farts and crowning achievements as the next man.
But I can hold back no longer. Forgive me.
I was talking to Brett at the coffee shop and he mentioned that a certain person we know, a teacher, had a minor poop fetish and regularly visited a website called rate my poo. Egads. My God, has it really come to this? If this is not the nadir of human civilization and discourse, you can at least see it from Palin's veranda.
But in the course of our discussion, somehow things came around to discussing one particular shit, perhaps the most famous doodie ever shat in California. Certainly the most amazing thing I ever saw. Several people know where I am going with this, a few blog readers were actual witnesses. I hope by publicizing this more will come out and further elucidate the crap in question.
I speak, of course, of the famous Palomar College turd.
In 1981 by my recollection, word in the Palomar College Art Department was that a cable had been laid in the bathroom by the museum so big that it was inconceivable that its author was a human. I had to see for myself. I immediately headed for the lavatory in question, once only famous for the late Rory Ransom's anonymous homosexual mural studies.
They did not lie, the girth of the coiled turd was the size of a louisville slugger and the thing descended to hell and ascended clean to the top of the porcelain fixture. What foul creature was capable of such a disgusting feat? A rhino would have hung its horn in shame at the size of this immense defecation.
Artists being artists, we thought perhaps the lunker had been constructed out of clay, so someone did some testing and appropriately left a number 2 pencil in the top coil. A nice touch. This, my friends, was the real thing.
I kid you not, people were leading tours to this thing like it was the miracle at Lourdes. You could have sold tickets. Not sure how long it stuck around but it raised quite a ruckus, not to mention an odiferous stench.
I post this in the interest of science and history. Mike Halter, you saw it. Brett, am I lying? Kerry, do you care to represent? Cohen? Andrea? Any pictures out there of the infamous turd to top all turds? The one turd to rule them all?
Anyone with any more information on this famous and unbelievable bowel movement is asked to help share your reflections on the infamous fetid log. I wonder about the identity of the person actually responsible but I still don't think I want to shake their hand.