take baby steps, learn every day

Thursday, February 2, 2017


My brother Buzz is dying. The immunosuppressants that they gave him so that he wouldn't reject his new kidney somehow let a cancer wreak havoc in his colon and then liver. Happened very fast. A horrible cancer that he was not aware he harbored. Stage Four. Months, maybe a year. He is handling it well. It is killing me. I've known for a month or two.

I wasn't going to get specific but he told me this morning that he would prefer to read his obituary while he was alive. Said that he was the son of a respected editor and he refuses to go quietly into the night. He also said that I had made him angry at the end of our last phone conversation.

"What did I say?"

"You said, I will call you tomorrow."


My brother is sixteen months younger than I. We have always been joined at the hip, went through a lot of chaos together in our youth, discord and abuse that would have cracked us separately. Back to back. I can't express my love for him enough, cry every day. He is brilliant, witty, a lawyer and then chef and restauranteur by trade.

So expect a lot of sad country music for the next six or eight months. And a lot of stories about our life together when I can get composed. Will try to teach you about a wonderful guy. A guy with a wife, children, grandchildren, family and friends that love him.

This year is all about my brother for me. Forget politics, forget everything. My brother.