I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.
Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven.
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" He replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon."
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.
Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.
My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. I gave her an egg.
Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right...Jack and the beans talk.
I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.
Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. That's right. The steaks were pretty high.
I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.