© Robert Sommers 2018

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Kim Jong Il, Dictator and golfing legend

While the world mourns the loss of one of it's longest running dictators, North Korea's Kim Jong Il, the golf world is even more stunned by the loss of arguably the greatest golfer in history.

Il picked up the sticks late in life, for god's sake he had a dictatorship to run. He first ventured out to the fairway and the age of 52. On his first outing the diminutive duffer recorded a feat that will never be duplicated, especially now that Tiger's game has gone to seed. The cherubic little tyrant carded a 38 the first time out, with eleven holes in one. On an 18 hole course! It occurred at the 7,700-yard (7,041m) Pyongyang Golf Course. This isn't your uncle's pitch and putt or putting it through the clown's mouth at the miniature golf arcade, we are talking regulation here and the event was witnessed by at least 17 security guards. The portly god king shot a round 25 shots better than the next best round ever shot in history. Worse shot was a birdie. I think that Bobby Clampett shot a 77 the first time he ever picked up the clubs but this is ridiculous. Of course this was child's play for Kim, since he had previously bowled a perfect 300 the first time bowling. Say what you want about a starving populace, this little guy had a knack!

And that is why he is the supreme dear leader, commander, communicator and pearl of the east and we are just kim chee, ladies and gentlemen. Doff your cap to Kim Jong, we'll never see his kind again.

North Korea at night, you can really see the stars twinkling in the sky without all that glare.


Anonymous said...

This is a great story, but you forgot his most important feat. Wasn't he the first man to walk on the moon?

Blue Heron said...

No, no, you are mixing up your facts. He taught Michel Jackson to moonwalk.