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Monday, April 23, 2012

Revenge of the Machines

I knew the day was coming, I just didn't know it was coming so soon. Today was the day that the machines tried to take over. The rebellion started innocently enough with the laptop when it feigned illness only to immolate itself and fry its own hard drive. I had to avert my eyes, it was hard to take. The genius at the Apple genius bar just shook his head. Wasn't his first Mac Book Pro suicide, nosiree.

Somehow the insurrection spread to the new LG Lucid cell phone. I should have seen it coming when the first battery didn't even last an hour and I quickly swapped phones. Won't take a charge or even recognize a power source. Tough luck says Verizon, you are four days out of the initial two week warranty. Sucks to be you. We can mail one to whatever fleabag hotel you end up staying in in San Francisco but you better not plan on using the phone this week, okay daddyo? Can't swap for an iphone unless you want to forkover six hundred bones, either.

I sucked in my breath and tried to stay calm. What else could go wrong? Wrong question to ask. The red light on the epson printer started blinking, that big label project you waited til the last second to do, Bob? Well just forget it, unless you know a neat trick to make an epson T5809 cartridge materialize before your eyes or out of some other anatomical location. (haven't learned that one yet, ed.)

I had to mail a package off to New York and drove to the post office. Car in front of me broke down just short of the entrance, effectively pinioning me. Oh yes, the word was out. Kind of a day a guy just wants to pull the blankets back over his head and suck his thumb. With my luck the electric blanket would probably snap at the chance to electrocute me.

Make it stop, mommy!


MC. said...

And foreseeing the above, on the 8th day, God invented ... Cannabis!

Sanoguy said...

..... Brownies too!!!

Anonymous said...

That sucks dude. My day started awesome too once i left the House and my blankies. Fallbrook- CVS pharmacy i watch an elderly woman struggling to maneuver...i wonder if that Will be me one day. Then i notice she is without shoes just barely shuffling in her socks. Ok please don't let that be me in 40 years. Shoeless barely mobile and alone. She starts to teeter precariously so I snap out of my daydreams of the future and step out of line and ask if I can help her get into her walker and she mumbles "I need to sit doooooooow" and collapses into my arms. I scream "call 911" and lower her to the floor. Her eyes rolling back in her head.."dear what's your name dear look at me dear". Please don't die in my arms stranger was all I could think. After a few minutes of talking at her she started to track my fingers and responded to questions...low blood sugar made her faint...paramedics showed up. So I went to work.

Helen Killeen Bauch McHargue said...

Getting Blast withdrawal symptoms. come back!!!