Saturday, March 10, 2018
Pantless in Fallbrook
Although I am feeling crappy today I decided to look nice for a client that is supposed to drop by.
Put on my spiffy silk shirt and my skinny pants. I was doing the where is my wallet, keys and glasses routine? when my wife came upstairs this morning.
"You look nice."
"I like your skinny jeans."
"Thanks." The truth is that I am a big guy and these particular types of pants tend to constrict your legs and circulation but it was early in the morning and I had no brook for confrontation so I just decided to run with the compliment.
"Because you have no ass. The Levis look big and shlumpy and they just fall off in the back. These look better."
I was forced to engage. "Honey, you know my ass was shot off in the war. I asked you never to bring that horrible incident up."
"More like the 1980 fart eruption, Mt. St. Robert," she chortled.
This is the second time that my pants were a topic of conversation this week with the spouse. She looked at me the other day and noticed the blue stain on my right front pocket where the pen cap came off and stained the faded 501's. I have several pairs like this, slow learner.
"Your pants have a stain on them."
"I know. My pen cap came off."
"Why don't you buy another pair?"
"Because jeans are expensive."
"You'll spend god knows how many thousands on camera gear but you won't buy a pair of jeans? You cheap ..."
Exactly. Because I am living in a bygone era in my mind where now defunct Mervyn's jeans still cost twenty five bucks, which I thought was expensive even then. I sure as hell don't want to spend sixty dollars on jeans.
Besides everybody knows that real men hate shopping and trying on pants.