Jelly, jelly so fine

Friday, March 29, 2024

A random visitor

Love is a kind of warfare. Ovid

The man was waiting at the door to my shop with a beautiful woman in tow. I could immediately sense that he was a bit irked at having to wait to gain entrance. This was obviously a powerful man who was used to getting what he wanted. Rather pushy.

As you probably know by now, my shop has been appointment only for well over a decade. In this way I get to regulate who comes over the threshold and sometimes it comes to turning down someone who sends serious danger signals to my trusty asshole meter. It was going off in spades.

Now I could probably make a lot more money if I let people come in at will and had regular hours but we all have to make decisions to protect our mental well being once we are in our sunset years. Money isn't everything. And this guy's persona screamed DICK.

But hey, I have a mortgage to pay and he was eager to come in. I relented.

"Would you like to come in and see the gallery," I asked, as politely as I could. In the next second he barged through the door, beautiful woman three steps behind, brushed past me and made his way to the back of my shop to get a closer look at something or other that had caught his eye. Didn't wait for me, just acted like he owned the place.

I kept an eye on him, that portion of the shop being very crowded and also worrying about the guy both falling and crashing in to something. I chose to talk to his beautiful trophy companion. I heard the slavic accent and asked if she was Czech. It turns out she was Ukrainian. Very sweet. We made small talk, I told her about my maternal Moldovan roots.

He either had to be Italian or Jewish, always hard for me to know which is which. Obviously an ex New Yorker, takes one to know one and I did. Every utterance was patronizing and dismissive, every word a verbal challenge. Kind of like me.

Turns out he was Italian, an ex Prosecutor. A guy who knew it all, I think beneath that tough, brash exterior was a real schmuck. Like I said, takes one to know one.

Anyway I am talking to his girl and he offers up a question. Did I know any men that would like a beautiful Ukrainian mail order girl? He had just the lass in mind.

For some reason I decided to go low with this guy. I didn't like his swagger, the way he commandeered my space.

"Sorry bud. My friends don't tend to pick their companions like they were selecting produce at the grocery store. Pick a girl out of a catalogue? You do know that there are a thousand ways people can learn to despise each other, don't you? What makes you think such a relationship has any chance of working? Anyway, my friends would not be interested."

He gave me a little death stare, started coughing and took immediate umbrage, denied that his suggestion was a mere transactional commodity exchange. These were women of substance, etc.

Methinks he doth protest too much.

I smirked to myself, happy with the momentary fleeting look of understanding that I had received from his slavic trophy, something akin to you got that right, dude, as soon as I get my residency and a divorce settlement, I am heading for yonder hills.

Or so I thought anyway, I read a lot into things and it was only a momentary connection. Could be way off. Good luck to them. By the way, I know many couples with great relationships and marriages that have met on dating sites, including my late father and his third wife. It can obviously be very successful.

I just think it is important to see potential mates at their worst before you sign on the dotted line, see what kind of left hook you may be looking forward to or what kind of psychosis they may have stored up way back in the closet. People are funny, you know, sometimes it takes a while to figure them out.

I was with my first wife for ten years. It did not end well and the middle wasn't so good either. Leslie and I have been together for thirty four, married for thirty this year. Poor girl should get a medal. We tolerate and put up with a lot from each other. And we both love each other a lot, regardless of our cumulative deficiencies.

I was thinking this morning how lucky I am to have found someone like her to spend my life with. Have never met anybody else with her gifts and skill set. Smart and beautiful and tough as hell.

And I do think that all relationships are transactional but once the contractual rules of engagement are set, that does not mean you can not create a lovely long term life together. You just have to hold up your end.

And you never really know your husband and wife until you see how they act and react when the chips are down and everything is in the shitter. Some men or women that got what they wanted their whole life by playing the beauty card never developed other rather important aspects of their being. I always tried to steer clear of those. Never know when they will flee to a better deal.

I got lucky.

It's a simplification but women tend to crave security, men look for beauty. But I will always remember the sage advice of Lee Trevino, the pro golfer. Purportedly he was in a bar in New York with a bunch of pals when a gorgeous woman walked by and grabbed everybody's attention.

"Never forget, fellows. Somewhere, somebody is tired of that."

Be very careful deciding who to share your life with and where to put your attentions. Things can get very tricky and expensive. Beware of beautiful men and women.

Carnal - © Robert Sommers 2024

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