Black crowned night heron © Robert Sommers 2023

Saturday, October 31, 2009

From the good captain...

My ongoing correspondence with the Nigerian/Chinese letter scam people:

Dear Good friend,

I am happy to read from you. I am very honest to you and you can be of help to us. I need your understanding in order to make use of this money here. You can recieve this money in your country or neigbouring country freely without any problem, The diplomat will deliver the box to your door step address, because the diplomat cannot be searched. The diplomat will not even know it is money the box contained. I need your help because I want to resign from the US military immediately you recieved the box. I am serious and cannot disappoint you. I want to assure you that all dealings must be transparent and legitimate. I can never involve you in any illegal activities, okay.

I need to know
=Your address
= Your Telephone
=Your Age
=Full legal name
=Your Occupation

I understood that you are currently serving in the State prison. Do you have anybody at home whom you can order to receive this consignment on your behalf and keep it safe until you are out. How long are you going to serve there? I need to know because this matter require perfect and urgent attendance, which does not require delays. But if you are capable of handling every process in this matter, we shall confide our trust in you. Let us know in details.

Waiting to hear from you so that the box will be delivered to you. 

Best Regards,
Capt. Gerrald Giggs King.

Whoohoo Captain! Or can I call you "cap" since we are practically partners now?  Like I mentioned, I am not going to lie to you. I am in the big house. I ain't gonna see sunlight for another 15 or 20 easy. And that's if I don't stick nobody else. The last guy had it coming. NEVER touch another man's chow plate, Never! He's breathing through gills now he never knew he had, get my meaning?

Getting somebody outside to pick up the dough might be a touch problematical. I aint gonna lie to you. When we hit the tire shop, well just say the rubber hit the road. Lula got excited and you know how women get when they get excited, don't you Cap? It wasn't her fault - I mean the tire iron was right there. I knew the bitch was strong but I didn't know she was that strong, you know what I mean Cap? That poor guy, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time but with you being in Iraq or Iran, where did you say you was, I don't have to tell you? The floor of the garage was covered with blood and the poor guy's chiclets. And lots of grease. Mechanics are just plain pigs these days.

We sort of drifted around in the plymouth - Salinas, Mendota, Arvin, Central Valley. You meet a better class of folks. People still take the time to say hello, know what I mean Cap? My kid brother is in Clovis and he can meet you at Ray's Liquor for the drop. Do you got a phone number he can contact you with?

As for my name, it's Lawrence B. Melvin. I am 49. The B stands for Beauregard. The screws don't need to know about our arrangement. Get my drift? Somebody could get hurt.

With Love,


Calipatria State Prison

(p.s. - Am I going to have to pay taxes on the two million? Do you know any estate planners that will work on the cheap?)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey there...I am glad you posted the SPLC info on hate groups. Be aware and awake....and leave the heart space to enjoy the beautiful art and music. Good combo.I'll be reading....thanks....Wicki