Truth be told, I am having a hard time with this newfangled twenty first century.
Twenty two years in and I am still kicking and screaming.
Take the subject of footwear. I happen to have an unnatural attraction to an old pair of black tennis shoes that I got from the Sketchers Store. Comfy, memory foam, the real deal.
We went to the outlet to grab a pair the other day. Guess what?
The lace up shoes are now as officially dead as the dodo. Yes, you can get laces on your shoes, but they now serve no functional utility, they are merely a pointless design extravagance.
Now I don't know about you but I think if you have laces, you should be able to make a tie with them? Old school, right? Perhaps the younger generation that no longer can read cursive writing is also unable to tie their shoes and this is why lacing is suddenly verboten?
Laces are suddenly vestigial, joining the necktie as something we wear without the least idea of why we do so, save that it is a necessary style or fashion statement.
I will do the slip on, if forced to with a gun to my head, ain't going to wear the fake lace number. Humans, why are you so pitifully stupid?
“I used to be ‘with it.’ But then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t it’ and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you!”
HOMERPALOOZA (S. 7, E. 24)
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