Family time

Thursday, September 5, 2019

Nothing shaking on shakedown street

Stranded harbor seal - Bandon, Oregon

As a few of you are now aware, I have been recently informed that my cancer has returned, in two different places, bladder and kidney. The pain in my side was not kidney stones, it was something far more serious and I believe that it will be a constant companion, possibly for the rest of my ride.

I am not going to engage in a pity party, tear my garments or bewail my rotten hand but you are certainly free to do so on my behalf. As you can imagine, I am a bit of a wreck right now. Lots of tears, lots of worries, many logistical nightmares. I worry about my wife, leaving her in a shitty situation, in the worst case scenario. I need to tidy up some of life's clutter, stay productive and find a way to get through it all. But I am very scattered right now, freewheeling, basically worthless.

I never found a new urologist when John died, I waited too long. Guess I thought I was out of the woods. I was wrong. Beat me, whip me, punish me for my sins and omissions but please, no kidney punches. It's still a bit tender down there.

So I have a couple surgeries to look forward to, one fast approaching. It will not be easy, emotionally, physically and financially. Things were tough enough without the illness. Thankfully I have an incredible wife and family and also incredible friends. I appreciate the support from each and every one of you. I am pretty sure I can beat this thing. I have done it before.

waiting for the tide...

One of my friends mentioned yesterday that I had used up an awful lot of free credits even getting to this point. They are definitely right. I am grateful for my blessings, which have been numerous. I charted a ridiculously risky trajectory and managed to survive somehow, up to now, pretty much on my own terms.

Hit a lot of inside straights, loved a lot of people and managed to say my piece. What more could a man or woman ask for?