Jelly, jelly so fine

Friday, March 13, 2020

Queen of Corona

How long ago was it that I found out my cancer was back? Seven months, eight? I don't remember. But I tried to impart what it is like to be facing your mortality head on in the mirror, not knowing if the balance of your life was going to be measured in days or years. Only totally understandable when you actually go through it yourself. The world stops. It's a real kick in the teeth.

I had my wake up call and I am now pretty shot emotionally. Good news a few weeks ago, still have to deal with the more minor kidney tumors and hope the bladder cancer doesn't come back for the tenth or eleventh time. But I get another swing at the pinata. Tough session this morning but I will spring back.

The world is now having its own existential wake up moment with the corona virus. You may notice that I am largely laying off the subject. Because frankly I have nothing left in my own emotional tank. I'm shot.

People are panicking and we are inundated with negativity at every turn. I stopped to get a paleta at Circle K today and a woman driving a fancy jaguar was buying up all the toilet paper at Circle K. I confronted her (nicely) and she was in a complete meltdown. The end of the world was coming and her kids had to be able to wipe their ass.

You can get a surfeit of facts and commentary from all sorts of available sources. Pardon me for sitting this one out. I can't reflexively lash out any time a politician says something stupid, I haven't got the energy or the inclination. I'm not saying I won't bring things up but I am not going to go on some morbid deathwatch or waste my time ranting. Would rather stay away from people as much as I can and shoot pictures of birds. And hopefully pay my rent.

You say corona and everybody has a different thought picture. A good Mexican beer, a central valley mass murderer, a town up the interstate, a lethal virus. I think about my first car. I was fifteen in Oxnard and my mom took me on the freeway by the Esplanade and said drive.

It was a Toyota Corona. A beater at the time. Our family car. A red one, just like this one. Which coincidentally was also being sold in Oxnard. Wouldn't it be funny?

It was a decent ride. I am happy that my mom let me drive anything. We were poor.

Perhaps the next step is for Covid-19 to be upgraded to Corolla or Celica?

Hang tight people. Think good thoughts.We will survive.


Liz said...

I am isolated until summer. Diabetes,heart disease and a compromised immune system.well over 60. It just pisses me off! But mg is really worried about me getting sick.

Blue Heron said...

I am sort of a fatalist. If it is going to have your number, it will. You have to keep living normally. I have an extremely compromised immune system, if it goes looking for people I will definitely be on its list.